Talk to Yourself Like a Coach — The Secret to Building Resilience

I talk to myself. And so do you.

What you silently say to yourself and how you say it, will in time determine how patient you are and how persistent – in other words, it will fashion your character.

It’s quite literally that important.

Most people’s inner voice is far too critical and judgemental – and this type of negative self-talk has risen dramatically since the advent of social media.

How can we fix it?

One of the best hacks I’ve come across is something that Dr Ethan Kross – an American experimental psychologist – has recently discovered.

You are more likely to speak to yourself as an “encouraging coach” if you refer to yourself by your first or last name – than if you speak to yourself using pronouns such as “I”, “me” or “my”.

For example, instead of saying: “I can’t take this anymore. I’m working hard but I’m making no progress” – flip the script, and talk to yourself in a bold, third person, coaching voice: “Adam, come on mate, you’re better than this. You’ve done this before and you can do it again.”

Kross discovered that emotional distress decreased very quickly (within one second) when people spoke to themselves in the third person.

It’s a technique that has helped champions such as Federer, Messi and Le Bron.

So, go on then – talk to yourself as though you are coaching a champion in the making.