Refuse Flattery, Shame and Intimidation

A note to young leaders.

I got a call last week from a young leader. He was distressed. He felt he was being gaslighted by senior management.

Told a few weeks ago that he was doing a great job and then abruptly placed on a performance improvement plan.

He liked his job but no longer trusted the management. He asked for my advice.

I asked him: “Put to one side just for a minute whether you think their feedback is fair or not – do you feel, in your gut, that they’re dealing with you honestly and with good intentions?”

He paused to reflect. “Unfortunately, no.”

“Then get out as soon as you can. There are better places for you to work.

In the meantime: refuse to be flattered; refuse to be shamed; refuse to be intimidated.”

Flattery, shame, intimidation. These are the three main tools of manipulators – and they reach for them in that order, like a golfer with three clubs and no talent.

If you yield to them, you become their puppet. And the worst thing about becoming a puppet is that, in time, you start liking your strings.

Now smile and relax – if you don’t care what they think of you, they can’t touch you.