Sadness Over Anger: The Harder, Braver Truth

A note to young leaders.

I don’t normally watch TV, but the best thing about being on holidays is that you get to break a few routines.

In that spirit, I recently watched a time-travel movie on Netflix called The Adam Project, in which Walker Scobell puts in a star performance as 12- year-old Adam – a bullied, asthmatic sixth grader.

The movie is mostly a light-hearted but unremarkable romp – with the exception of one zinger line that the young Adam (Scobell) delivers to his time-travelled older self (Ryan Reynolds).

The adult Adam is getting angry with his father, because his father is refusing to see his point of view. Later that day, the younger Adam counsels him:

“It’s easier to be angry than to be sad. And I guess, as I get older, I forget that there’s a difference.”

Touche. Anger is so often disappointment in disguise.

When relationships go wrong, it takes more courage to feel sad than angry – because sadness accepts that some of the blame always lies with you, whereas anger allows you to entertain the illusion that it’s all the other person’s fault.

When it comes to key relationships, it’s better to feel sad than angry. We all make mistakes – and sadness is a great teacher if you let it in and you let it whisper to you.