The Wisdom of Compassionate Compromise

Lessons from my father.

In my mid-twenties, I once sat down with my father to discuss a dispute that had arisen between him and his partners in the course of a property development.

In the re-telling, Dad was careful to point out the merits and perspectives of both sides. At the end of it, I said: “I understand that we haven’t been perfect here, but it’s still very clear to me that we’ve been wronged.”

Being a lawyer in training, I advised my father to hire a solicitor and threaten legal action.

Dad smiled at me with a twinkle in his eyes: “Son, launching legal action rarely makes a situation better, and often makes it worse.”

He then added: “We are all naturally biased towards our own point of view. We all minimise and forgive our own misdemeanours and maximise and condemn the other side’s. So if you think a situation is 70/30 in your favour, be quick to compromise and settle, because in truth it’s probably 50/50.”

No surprise then that dad, in his long career, was never sued and never did sue.