How to Talk About Others When They’re Not in the Room

A note to young leaders.

If you do your job right, you will be discussed behind your back. As Oscar Wilde once quipped: “There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that’s not being talked about.”

But what should you do if you are asked to share your views about a colleague who’s not in the room?

Here’s what the late, great John Caldon, former Deputy MD of Macquarie, had to say about that:

“You should always speak as though that person is actually in the room hearing every word you say. You can still be honest, of course, but that will stop you from saying anything unkind or unfair. You should do this because it’s the right thing to do, but also because there’s a good chance that your words will get back to them anyway.”

Good people don’t mind being discussed or even criticised, but they do mind being ridiculed or demonised.

If you must share critical feedback, you should do so with a maximum of discretion and regard.